The Day That Exploded

This week everyone is remembering.  Because we are not supposed to forget.

So I will remember....

I was teaching middle school Spanish.

The assistant principal came to the door to say a plane had crashed in the World Trade Center and not to turn on the TV.

I didn't know what the World Trade Center was.

I was fresh out of college.  Very young.  Very naive.

At lunch I realized what was going on, but needed people to explain to me what all the politics were.  I never heard of the World Trade Center, or the terrorists groups, or anything.

After work I needed gas because I had coasted into the parking lot that morning on fumes.  Due to the uncertainty of what was going to happen with the middle east?  The lines at the pumps were unbelievable.

I almost ran out of gas waiting.  And I paid about a million dollars.

I went to my boyfriend's house.  He had slept through the whole damn day.  He worked third shift, but it seemed unreal.  I turned the TV on for him and he almost shat himself.

I went home to my parents' house.  My mom wouldn't stop watching the news.  She said she thought this was what had been foretold in Revelation.

I told her to get a grip.  Just because bad stuff was happening to Americans didn't mean the world was ending.  I told her to remember the Holocaust and the atomic bombs and other countries who had more people die.  And the end of the world didn't happen.

I was angry.

I was angry that these terrorists made America start talking about Armageddon like we were the only country that mattered.

I was angry that moms and dads and uncles and aunts and brothers and sisters went to work like it was no big deal and weren't going to come home.

I was angry at the patriotism, but also found comfort in it.

I was angry that people forgot for a minute that it was my little brother's 16th birthday FIRST.  It was HIS DAY before it was the terrorist's day.

I was angry that people kept saying, "if this then the terrorists win," "if that then the terrorists win,".

I was angry that for awhile?  EVERYTHING was blamed on terrorism and American reverted to the old witch hunt mentality again.  If you're not with us, you must be against us.

When will we learn our lesson?

When will we realize that these egocentric attitudes and easily divisiveness is exactly why others hate us.

When will we really be able to remember that love that everyone talks about?

Love means not hating.

I don't think Americans can quit their habit of hating.  They want to.  They do.  They keep talking about needing to spread the love, but in the name of love?  They hate.

And this is something I will remember.  That spreading hate?  Will make a day explode again.

Can't Lose You

He looked so ridiculous.  He clearly didn't belong at this concert.  In fact, I am pretty sure he only knows two songs that may or may not be performed.

He was there for me.  He knew I needed to get out of the house.  I needed to not drink this day away.  I needed to NOT sulk about that guy for awhile.

So he was there with me.  At a Type O Negative concert wearing a yellow Aeropostale hat and a polo shirt with cargo shorts and Adidas sneaks.  Amongst the black hair, black clothes, giant boots, black eyeliner (on guys as well as girls), black nail polish, black lipstick, well, you get it.

I was not quite that extreme.  I had on my jeans and black tank top, but i am a far cry from goth.  I just really like heavy music.  Or I did then.  It was sort of a leftover effect from the ex (another post for another time).

Anyway, he (the non-ex, but the friend) was here with me.  And I told him that I would drive so he could have some drinks.  He deserved that much after putting up with me night after night as I drank my dinner and cried.

There we were.  Quite a mismatched pair.

The heavy music started and he had some captains and cokes.  and after awhile, he got silly.  I had not seen him this silly in a while...it had been all about me and I hadn't cared about what anyone else had going.

But now I was seeing him.  Seeing what a good friend he was to me.  He consistently put my needy needs before his own.  Shoot, I didn't even know WHAT his needs were that summer.  I knew he needed a new vehicle.  And that was the extent of it.

And here he was, letting off steam, getting all silly on rum and coke at a concert where he TOTALLY didn't fit in, all for me.  He was such a great guy.  How does he NOT have a girlfriend?  I was just deciding that I would have to be a better friend and try harder to help him find a lady when it happened.

He leaned in to me as if he was going to tell me a secret.  He was all smiley and smelling like the inside of a captain morgan bottle.

"Hey," he says.  "you wanna know something?  I think I am starting to find you attractive."

Ok? What the hell?  Did he just use the phrase, "find you attractive?"  He had to be kidding, right?  RIGHT?

He couldn't be serious because A) we had known each other for eleventy billion years.  B) this just doesn't randomly happen at a Type O Negative concert. and C) he is my FRIEND.

So I started to laugh.  Of COURSE he was kidding!  Bwhahahaha!

Oh. Ok.  Phew.  He was laughing too.

We didn't talk about it again.  And that night, I drove him back to my house, but he still couldn't drive home, so he slept on my couch.

In the morning, he was gone.  We hadn't talked about it.  But we would.